June 10, 2020

Figuring It Out…

Black Lives Matter

Figuring It Out…

In full transparency, I’m having a hard time figuring out how to transition, both on here and on Instagram, from posting about what is going on in our world in regards to BLM to other types of content.

I hope it goes without saying that while you’ll start seeing “regular” content from me, that doesn’t mean that I won’t use my platform in a way that also reflects what’s going on in the world. It’s an incredibly hard time to navigate and I’m very aware that I cannot please everyone and that’s okay. To be completely honest, this is not the time that I’m going to ask “so, what do you want to see?”  I need to do what feels right to me. I’m so fortunate to have a platform and a loyal following. And I cannot go about my business without using it to support and stand by the Black community.

I’m not going to make it heavy, but I’ll continue to share businesses that are new (to me) and that I’m excited about. I’ll continue to share stories and content creators that inspire me. I’ll continue to share conversations that are important. Rather than dedicating a week, it’s going to be weaved into my content in a way that feels true and authentic to me. I hope you all can understand and welcome it.

Last week, I had someone ask me the below question:

Figuring It Out

Initially, I was planning on sharing my reply on Instagram stories, but then I decided that I wasn’t trying to make last week about me. Last week wasn’t the time.  With that being said, I’m sharing today because I think it’s an extremely valid question.

I cannot speak on behalf of anyone else, but for me, last week did feel different. I’ve been friends and around black people my entire life. Up until college, I went to schools and lived in neighborhoods in which the majority was black.  However, I’ve never felt there be such an open dialogue about everything that is going on. It might be age and maturity, it may be the time and the conversations that needed to happen, but it feels different. Admittedly, I’ve never felt comfortable asking my black friends certain questions. I assumed some topics were off limits. And it wasn’t up to me to bring it up or my place to ask. I worried that I would offend or say/ask the wrong thing. The more I think about it, the more I’m upset at myself for not having the courage to ask.

Through all of this, I’ve realized that certain conversations are encouraged.

I know it’s not anyone’s responsibility to teach me (or any of us) about black history, but as @thenorthernbelleofthesouth said in one of her stories, we can learn the history, but we cannot learn the emotions and pain that has been  felt. Listening and having these conversations, even when so difficult, has allowed me to empathize on a completely different level. The conversations  that I’ve had over the last few week have been so eye opening. And many have bought me to tears. There needs to be communication in any healthy relationship. And for the first time, I feel like many of us are actually having the conversations that are needed.

I’m going to start weaving in my other content, but from the bottom of my heart, please know that the conversation is just getting started. Even as far as the digital/blogging/social industry is concerned, I hope to see a lot of positive changes take place. Changes that are long overdue. Stay tuned and as always, thank you for your support.





  • Kristi

    I tried to comment earlier, but it wouldn’t let me, However, I think you’re spot on. It’s a tough balance,but I appreciate your ability to navigate the situation. I want to learn more, but I also want the usual escape from reality, which is what I wanted during Covid, Trump, etc. This year has been unbelievably bad and mentally, it’s nice to have an escape from it all. But that doesn’t mean racism isn’t forefront in our minds. It just means we’re visiting your site for a 5 minute escape and to learn something new about the current situation.. But as an influencer, you’ve done a great job in providing education and the usual content. It’s probably crazy challenging to balance all perspectives right now.

  • Susan Dunlop

    Great! So looking forward to this updating of your content! Thank you.

    • Ciara

      Such a great response! You are one of my favorite bloggers and I always feel like you keep it real! Can’t wait to see more of your content again!

  • Dee

    I LOVE your response, it shows that you actually really thought about it, feels completely genuine (it’s not the superficial BS that we’ve seen so much of these past few weeks)…we are all in this together and we will all make progress together ❤️

  • Tacarra

    I share Dee’s feelings and am happy to read a thoughtfully worded and personal response to current events.

  • Jessica

    Someone asked me the exact same question and when I answered (nearly identical to yours) I worried it was a terrible awful answer. I lost sleep over it. Talked to several white friends and they all had the same response. We were never told this was SO BAD. Sure what we saw was AWFUL which is why this feels different too. But it also took all my favorite black people and black influencers to say “guys this is real this is my experience we need your help” that I realized we had to step in as white people. We also aren’t taught in school that this IS HAPPENING because it would go against everything we did with civil rights. We knew racism exists it’s why our parents taught us to treat everyone equally but we’re learning that isn’t socially what’s happening either. Great post thank you for sharing your experience here too!


    • JuliA

      Jessica, Please consider the phrase you used in your comment, “…we had to step in as white people.” and how that perpetuates the ‘white savior’ mentality. If that’s not the idea you are trying to convey, maybe “Step up as white people” is more appropriate. As in, we (I am also white) need to step up and do the learning and listening, and contribute to positive systemic changes both in our personal lives and the bigger picture.

  • Sel

    Hello Helena, I also share the sentiments of earlier posters – thank you for a genuine and thoughtful post.
    One of the things that I have read and heard by others regarding current events is that they agree with some of the things happening but not all and are afraid to voice an opinion because they fear hatred and retribution directed their way, they fear the mob. Personally, I feel that any problem, whether that be at a personal level or community level, cannot begin to be resolved if people are fearful to raise their concerns or views. During the last two weeks I have really paid attention to how people speak with each other, how they interact with others that have a different view to their own. It saddens me that as people we are very poor at discussing issues and speaking with one another. For me, a discussion is a sharing of thoughts between people and listening to those thoughts, asking for and seeking clarification of thoughts and, in a respectful manner, challenging views held. What I have seen is disgraceful – verbal, personal attacks on persons, race or body of persons. For example, any silent good cop is a bad cop, if you are not with us you are against us. If you verbally attack someone, the automatic response of a person is to become defensive, to defend oneself, and they won’t hear your opinion or suggestions. And, you have lost the battle right there. Respectfully challenge views held (no matter how unpalatable that view may be), don’t shame, put down, name call or attack the person. Because when someone says to me “Sel, you’re an f—-in idiot, etc etc”, I am going to really listen to what you have to say to me.

  • Caryl

    Hi Helena,
    Your honest reflection was very refreshing to read since a lot of the “influencers” out there appear to just be paying it lip service. I’ve been a big fan of your blog and look forward to seeing/reading how you will use this platform to spread love and light during these challenging times. XO.

  • Ivon

    This. This, is why you are one of my fave IG accounts. Always true and authentic. I appreciate you and this post.

  • Tanya

    Thank you for this! This is such a great response and I love how genuine and authentic you are. I also understand the how difficult finding the right balance may be. You are awesome and are doing a great job!

  • Judy Nielsen

    Just be a blogger – I will get my political fix on other sites

  • Eli

    That’s a really beautiful post Helena! I also think that, first of all, we are all shocked about what happened and think that this has to stop. But secondly, I agree with you that we might be more mature (or at least I am) to take action and do something against this racism.

    Have a wonderful weekend!


  • kshitija

    I couldn’t agree more.. thanks for sharing this

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